Moving and starting stage three

The day was not so bad. But, why is it you always wait for the other shoe to drop. Tomorrow we will be given the shift bids. They had 20 30hr shifts like you could support yourself on that. Butttttt if I could retire then I would do the 30 hr week. But as it is I am afraid I will get a crap shift. Team lead says oh dont worry you should(get that should) be on the top of the list to pick shifts. I think I might have only missed a day but I think maybe it was not pointed then there are stats and I dont know how those will moved. But then I dont kiss ass so not on the top. Well if they make us work to late I dont know what to do I will have no way home. So we will know tomorrow weather I will get to keep my job or what. I dont know I am really tired of all this . Why cant I just go to work and come home without all the crap. I am ready to retire earlie am thinking more and more about it everyday. Dont care anyway we will we see what we see tomorrow.

Long day still dont feel good cant shake this illness. Furnace went out today. No i did not call the landlord for many reasons. But until others in this house clean and do what I think they should we will do with out or they can find someone to fix it. It is all I can do to sit through 8 hours at work. There has to be something better if not then what am I doing. I think I am just tired of trying maybe you just need to know when to let go and give it up. I have held it together for to long. The joy has been sucked out of life. It is proabley better for someone else to carry on in my place so the place wont be wasted on someone who just cant look up any more. And the music rolls on

Well, when the sun comes out and the rain goes away. There are always clouds in the distance. I love my kids but I really dont want to live with them. I love my peace and I just dont get it. But, what can you do. My sister and brother are doing what they always do try and blame me for thier crap. but that is my fault I let them in and that wont happen again. But, I do love my house and I am lucky to have a job. I think I am just run down and it gets hard struggling. You know I wouldnt know what to do if I got a hug. It would be nice to have someone to lean on and know that they have your back. Oh well, I dont know why I thought of that never have had it so it shouldnt bother me know. It just came over me today. I would love to have a weekend somewhere were I wouldnt have to think just be. Oh well two more days and I will be off and that is good but then everyone will be here so dont know how good that is. Am tired think I will go to bed maybe will fill better tomorrow

Well, it is a cool 64degrees and very windy friday. Realized I still cant get my State ID renewed have to have birth Certifcate and cant afford do that right now. So cant do anything that needs a valid picture ID what the crap. If the picture is me my social security number is on it and matches that card and everything else who cares what date it was issued and when it expired. The crappin US does. I am about ready to send an email to the so called president and tell to grow some balls and start taking care of the poor. Oh I know he doesnt know what is to be poor he grew up with money. Oh well so much for a nice day. Am ready to go to work. One more day and I can sit around waiting to move. Still havent got the electric and gas on dont know how that is going to go but will figure something out even if it is wrong because wrong is better than not at all. Ya all might want to quit reading me for a month or two because it doesnt look like it is going to get any better

Last night just before we got off work we were ran off our computers there was tornodo warnings and rain storms so we spent the last hour in the break room incase it did hit. I was already in a crap mood. As I found out I have no ride home from now on. My ride has other committments are she just doesnt want to be bothered. Anyway I have a change to buy a car he want 400 down and I cant do that until the 11th of sept and that will break me. But until then I am screwed it is to far to walk. I mean what the hell I cant buy food how the hell am I going to give anything before then. I am about ready to quit work i can get there but i CANT GET HOME I dont even have enough money for a dam cab. I wish the dam weather would take the whole town out. I have been up since 6am and went to bed at 11 and couldnt sleep. So I am sorry if my posts are dismal but that is my life at the moment. Events crap job no money better job have to move and now know way to work and will have to quit if I dont get away home. And then will lose house that am suppose to move into. This time is suppose to be better well I waiting when will that happen. Proabley never. Anyway sorry for the unload dont am to take your mood down it is what it is

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It was a sunny day there was a lot of wind but believe me it was hot walking. But, there is rain coming in. It got dark and the wind got a littl worse. So the door is open and I am injoying the breeze. The weather does change just that quick. And you can smell the rain it is a good smell. So I am just sitting here relaxing. Jodi's boyfriends mom brought me over two dravocets so I will have two pain free nights at least. Maybe I will feel better. I am hungry so will have to see what is left in the frige. I am hungry and then again I am not. I have one more day off. Have things I should do and then again who knows if I will are not. IT all depends. It is still 80degrees.So will just go get me a glass of tea nad go from there

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It is sunny and windy and will be quite hot today. I am off today and . I paid the deposit on the house yesterday and am now going to try and live on $20 for two weeks. I have a half a notion to claim unemployment one more week even though I have to pay back 4weeks now. But, I have no food and I have no food for the animals and need to get utitilies turned on. I dont know I just dont care anymore. They can take me to court I dont care. How am I to get by for two weeks. You think it would get easier. Oh well, I think I am going to get ready and take a walk. I worked over last night. So I think I have at least 2-3 hours overtime for this week. hope to get it this week also. Anyway I am going to go and then come home and vegate. There goes my creative side I am going to see if I get a couple of darvcet as I am really hurting right now. have a good day

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It is friday and has been a week of weeks. I have worked overtime twice so far this week as the calls got complicated. And I work today and tomorrow. I was excited got paid today then I realized once I pay the deposit on the new place I will have 80 for two weeks which comes to 40 a week for carfare and food. So I dont know what I am going to do. and never mind the deposits for the utilities. I just dont understand I have a better job but I am still struggling. And I cant claim one more week of unemployment even though it would help get me over the hump until we get moved. I dont know what I am going to do. Whatever it is it will be wrong you can bet on that. Right now I am sitting here drinking buttermilk and trying to figure out what I am going to do to get by for the next two weeks. I Just dont know. I guess if I dont eat and pay the carfare I will at least get to work. I dont know it is always something and people wonder why I am sick all the time because it just doesnt let up. Anyway I have to get ready for work. Hope your weekend is good. Have a nice friday